“No Kids Allowed”: Brazil's Childfree Spaces and What They Say About Us

The news

On Sunday, October 11 — the eve of Children’s Day in Brazil — Folha de S.Paulo, one of the country’s largest newspapers, ran a report by journalist Tatiana Cavalcanti titled Spaces hostile to children embarrass families and expose the difficulties of living together (in Portuguese). It describes the growth of the childfree movement in Brazil, which pushes for adults-only spaces in bars, hotels, inns and even weddings with “adults only” invitations.

The paper spoke with parents who were turned away or embarrassed. One mother arrived with her husband and 4-year-old daughter at an inn on the coast of São Paulo state and only learned at the front desk that it didn’t accept guests under 12. Folha also reports the view of Idec, Brazil’s consumer-rights institute: banning children from commercial establishments such as bars and hotels is an abusive practice that violates Brazil’s consumer code, its Constitution and its child-protection statute. The legal debate is still open, and that’s not what I want to discuss. I’m not a lawyer. I want to talk about what this trend reveals about the heart of our culture — in Brazil and, frankly, in the U.S. too — and about where children fit inside a marriage.

First things first: couples need time alone

Let me be fair, because this topic turns into a fight quickly.

I believe — and will keep saying — that husbands and wives need time that belongs only to the two of them. A dinner where nobody asks to go to the bathroom. A weekend away while the grandparents watch the kids. That’s not selfishness. It’s tending the root so the tree keeps bearing fruit. Many of the marriages I walk with didn’t break because of one big betrayal; they dried up because the couple became only “Mom and Dad” and forgot how to be husband and wife.

It’s also true that there are kids with no boundaries, parents who pretend not to notice, and a neighboring table that pays the price. Anyone who has tried to have a serious conversation in a restaurant next to a child screaming for half an hour knows what I mean. Raising children is work, and part of the frustration that fuels the childfree movement comes from parents who outsourced that work to other people’s patience.

So the problem isn’t the couple who picks a quiet restaurant for their anniversary. The problem is something else.

The problem is when a child becomes a nuisance

What strikes me in this report isn’t one inn here and another there. It’s the mindset behind it. Little by little, a child stops being seen as a blessing and starts being seen as noise — something that gets in the way of rest, aesthetics, the experience, “my moment.”

And that doesn’t happen in a vacuum. According to Brazil’s 2022 Census (IBGE), the country’s fertility rate fell to 1.55 children per woman, the lowest in its history. I wrote about that number here on the blog. A country with fewer and fewer children risks getting unused to them, and what’s rare soon looks strange. I’m not saying one number explains the other; I’m saying both point in the same direction.

Scripture points the opposite way: “Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3, NIV). A heritage isn’t a burden. It’s something valuable placed in your hands.

Jesus was indignant at those who kept children away

There’s a scene in the Gospel of Mark that could have been written this week. Parents were bringing their children to Jesus so He would touch them, and the disciples rebuked those parents. In the disciples’ minds, the Teacher had more important things to do. Kids were a distraction.

Jesus’ reaction is one of the few times the Gospels say He was indignant: “When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these’” (Mark 10:14, NIV). And Mark adds: “And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them” (Mark 10:16, NIV).

Notice: the disciples weren’t evil. They simply thought they were protecting a serious, productive, “adult” environment. Jesus called it a hindrance. He went even further: “And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me” (Matthew 18:5, NIV).

What about the church? Is it a childfree space?

Here I need to ask an uncomfortable question of us Christians. It’s easy to criticize the inn. But how does your church react when a baby cries in the middle of the sermon? When a mom has to get up three times during the service? When a couple walks in late because their 3-year-old threw a tantrum in the parking lot?

Many young couples drift away from church not because of doctrine, but because they feel like a bother. A disapproving look weighs more than any sermon. If the world is closing doors on families, the church has the chance to be the place where the door stays open — diapers, crying and all.

What this has to do with your marriage

A lot. The way a culture treats children eventually walks into your home. I know couples where one spouse, without realizing it, began treating the kids as an obstacle to their own life: “since the kids came, I lost everything.” And I know couples who hid behind their children so they wouldn’t have to face each other. Both make a marriage sick.

The healthy path is the biblical one: children are a blessing, and the marriage is the foundation that holds that blessing up. A few practical steps:

1. Agree as a couple on what you believe about children. Don’t let the culture decide for you whether kids are a burden or a gift. Talk about it honestly — including how tired you are.
2. Actually train your kids. Teaching a child to respect other people’s space is love for the child and for your neighbor. Boundaries aren’t the opposite of welcome; they’re part of it.
3. Protect your time as a couple without turning it into rejection of your kids. One date a week — even on the couch after they’re asleep — does more for your children than an expensive gift.
4. If you don’t have kids, or yours are grown, be the table that welcomes. Offer to help the exhausted mom at church. Smile at the flustered dad in the restaurant. You have no idea how much weight that lifts.

A final word

I was once the problem in my own marriage. I know what it’s like to put my schedule, my rest and my ego above the people God placed beside me. So I don’t read this news pointing my finger at others. I read it asking God to keep me from ever looking at my own family as a nuisance.

The world may write “no kids allowed” on the door. May our homes and our churches write what Jesus said: “Let the little children come to me.”

If you want more honest, Christ-centered conversations about marriage and family, follow Ricardo Martins and Vanessa Lima — O Casal Legendário — on YouTube and Instagram.